I live in the UK, which is a sort of socialist/capitalist mix, but over recent years, it has started to become more and more capitalist.

Work

As a child and in my teens, my father and the rest of my family for that matter, would drill the capitalist work ethic into me. I was taught very strict limitations of what I could and could not aspire to. Basically, everyone says ‘you will be a laborer forever’, so you better get a driving licence and whatever skills you need to get jobs in warehouses, or factories, joinery etc – manual labor is the pinnacle. Of course, one can become self-employed, but that doesn’t make you more independent really – you are still just a skilled laborer with no one to answer to and no safety net to fall back on.

I have worked at 300 different companies in my life, through agencies mostly. Agencies used to be in the background of the labor market, you could go to them when you wanted quick cash, but you wouldn’t normally go to them for your first port of call – you would always try and seek a full time job.

I’ve worked at some very corrupt places in my life – companies that bury asbestos underground, have terrible health and safety, lots of tell tales who want to get you fired and lots of bosses who really don’t give a shit about you. I’ve seen violence, been on the receiving end of violence from workers and bosses alike, but most of all, these companies were boring – so much so that I had to take drugs to have the will to go into work everyday.

When I decided I had had enough

I was working as a Pizza delivery driver with my own car and the wages were awful – there really wasn’t anything else to go for at the time and the job market was falling apart. I had a job as a security guard and a CCTV operator and both of those places had employees that tried time and time again to get me fired so they could have more work!

I quit my job as delivery driver and signed on to benefits after working on different jobs for 15 years – I decided enough is enough – lots of existential problems hit me hard, like ‘why am I paying for this home and car, is this all there is to life?’. I was in massive amounts of debt just trying to stay afloat and I had just got completely fed up, nothing ever seemed to change. I gave the car back to the loan company and I felt free for the first time in years.

It wasn’t until I hit rock bottom, my mother passed away and I got myself a criminal record that I finally started to calm down and rethink my course in life.

Progress? What a load of crap.

I always thought of my life as a working-towards-the-plateau – that at some point, I would find a job and make enough money, then things would just settle into a routine and I would then be allowed to explore what is more than the life of a skilled/unskilled laborer in this life, get my pension and die.

I realised that if I didn’t work, nothing changed anyway, I could do what I wanted to and it didn’t matter if society thought I was being lazy – they are all as unhappy as I am, so I rejected their ridiculous work ethics. I was so resentful of life and others, to the point where spite was the means of interaction – I wanted to destroy myself to get away from this stupid system that everyone says we MUST comply with, but why? It’s really stupid.

It was around this time that I found the occult and philosophy and saw just how envious people are, they frown upon reading and intelligence, as it’s something they can’t relate to, they can’t touch something about you all of a sudden, I was able to rise above them all and when I saw how petty and meaningless the life of the others was, I decided to create my own spaces to move in to.

I was not interested in jobs and the demands of the job center any more, just being near government officials was enough to make me feel ill. I eventually signed off and moved down to London with my partner and we live a very creative life, I write all the time, make videos, make music. I still work, but I am self-employed – you don’t have a choice in that in a captalist society of course.

The main thing is that work is no longer the most important thing to me in life, there is more you can do if you put your mind to it, but I can totally understand those who have hit rock bottom, as I have been there – I don’t blame them, it’s the system we unconsciously uphold that is the problem.