Wow, I really enjoyed that and can relate. I feel far more embarassment after I have ejaculated than before. I feel a heat come over me and an embarassment that I have been so intimate and vulnerable and there is only silence or rejection or a hideous thing borne.
I am not relieved at all by having spoken, but the tension only increases.
Yet like any bodily function, it appears the build up to perform or react or to cry out is a natural fault that becomes painful to avoid as well.
Telling people I am an anarchist, so similar looking to antichrist in so many ways, is a way of asking them if they will love me no matter what. The answer from everything is an emphatic no. Getting a yes is the central task of anarchy, even if it a yes that is only natural but not intellectual. Its a task that can never be satisfied and stems from a hunger or vacuum that is perpetual. We can not find the natural love of stability or safety or confidence, which is why we shout and spit our names, in our iconoclastic self-idolatry. Anti-Christ means replacement in place of Christ also. Each Anarchist mimics the model of the sorry King.
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