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Do you believe in socialist planned and centralised infrastructure for things like telecomms, water, schools and healthcare, or do you believe the state should have no part in this and instead private interests should be sble to set up thier own infrastructures so they can compete with each other and education and healthcare should be ran by them too?

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Great video by Gary.

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1. I have to overcompensate by fulfilling traditional gender roles and beauty standards, otherwise cis women will not accept my form of struggle.
(This comes from my mother, who I even went so far as to want to name myself after).

Yeah, I got much the same from some people, ‘dress like a woman, we’ll treat you like a woman’, or ‘you are being like an ideal of woman therefore not woman’, The problem is, I am not trying-to-be-like – if I don’t look feminine ‘enough’ then it misses the point, if there even is one. I look like me. I don’t think of my appearance as having anything to do with how other women look. I am not a woman, I see my gender as queer if anything, but that certainly does not denote a singular coherence at all.

Amazing how legitimisation comes with regulation and even prohibition. I would rather be ‘yet-to-be’ than be legitimate.

2. Well my most radical thought is that life isn’t worth living. I constantly affirm life because If I were to believe that suicide is permissible I would already have gone through with the act. Don’t worry I have steadfast beliefs and theological interests too.

I really should finish Camus.

3. I’ve been through so much. Maybe another radical thought is that I deserve to suffer this much. I enjoy sudden jolts of pain, it is very liberating compared to general emotions of depression, anxiety, and frustration I go through. What stops me from carving myself up again with a knife? I really want to, it is an extreme urge I have. I love the feeling of the sting. I’m going to use this urge to get hurt maybe to do something more beneficial myself, like getting better at skateboarding, lol.

Lots of change and stimulation is addictive as is all life.

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I think people like certainties, progression with teleology that is ordained, in other words, life has a clearly obvious goal we must head towards.

Humanism has this view, but we face challenges that must involve decentering man from the pedestal humanism put him in. 

Most of the people I see who are on the right these days have no time for anything that doesn’t involve the rigid certainties of life, work, earn, pay, us vs them. It’s a very simplistic view, an exclusive view.

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Got a copy of Monique Wittig’s ‘The Straight Mind’ today.
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Yeah, the point was that at the time of my bad experience, it actually revealed a truth about the people I was involved with – we were outgrowing each other and the acid seemed to make that impossible for me (and them) to ignore. The Greeks had a word for truth, aleithea which means something like ‘revealed, disclosure, unforgettable and unavoidable’.
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While this all sounds negative and not very spiritual, it was the dawn of a new phase of my life that would lead to better things, I take the good with the bad.

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I think trust is a prerequisite for these situations, who I do shrooms with requires absolute trust, if I have a bad time on acid, it’s partly due to who I am with and the fact I subconsciously dislike them.

I’ve seen this in other people – they have acid with their friends/partners and they see something evil in them, they dismiss it when the high wears off – but months later, they are no longer speaking.

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I don’t think one should prioritise buffers on emotions as an essential means to ‘higher clarity’ of the unknown/spiritual reality, part of the journey is the way, not the destination anyway as the most important aspect.

What I will say however, is that I can’t really say for sure that what I have experienced on LSD is entirely ‘false’. I was incredibly disturbed because there was a harsh truth to my experience that I never wanted to face again, I was not the same person before the trip, I lost something and I knew it wasn’t coming back – upon reflection, a very fragile ego had been destroyed and I was in a place where my relational identity made no sense. I was to use a term from Levinas – in a ‘Radical alterity’ of a state and from that point on, I began to transform and I suffered, was devoured by anxiety and despair but eventually, I accepted it and when I took some shrooms six years later, I left the baggage I thought I needed behind and did not fear the future, or letting go anymore. 

Grief is what we experience, but I would say this is a part of being and not just experiential. 

So now I ingest shrooms, I laugh and I see what really matters – the here and now – we are fortunate to be here and we need to be reminded of that sometimes.

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‘I’ does not die, I cannot know death.

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That question was asked by George Berkeley whose philosophy known as subjective idealism holds the dictum; to be, is to be perceived.

Now, in the Discord, @”notathoughtgiven” encountered this first problem of inquiry, which is great. 

There are however, some things which we can know without experience, that are a priori – that which is true by definition, matters of fact.

All bachelors are unmarried males. This is an example of true by definition and so, it is knowable without experience from the senses.

Maybe our inquiry should not start from our experience (subject to object) and instead declare that maybe we cannot know things with our senses, for a start off, where is this ‘I’ or ‘self’ that we speak of?

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I think harm can just be seen as ‘bad’, but as I mentioned, determined sm can lead to good things occuring too, even novelty.

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I know that my experience is constructed out of otherness, humans are therefore fundamentally narcissistic and so language is the medium that we operate the send and return of narcissism with.

Therefore, there is a social a priori (before ‘I’ experience) which I ingest and embody when I enter the world, one is transcendent with other and we are only separated from reality through the illusion of self awareness, which is why I don’t start from my senses or my mind, instead my mind structures my senses from the outside in.

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Evil is a religious concept, determinism is just the way things are conditioned to interact, if I had to value it, I would say ‘good or bad’ depending on the outcome.

Actually, I just thought of something- we can often speak of determinism in the same breath as ‘pre-ordained’ and I don’t think determinism leads to certainty or is predictable, as the conditions do change over time.

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http://www.headless.org/douglas-harding.htm Reminds me of Douglas Harding.

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I was thinking at best, this is all pragmatic – freedom is a necessary illusion within a complex determinism. Novelty can come out of determinism, as determined conditions change over time, less like laws and more like ‘tendencies’ or ‘habits’.

Determinism isn’t evil, it just IS.

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